Self-Defense for Women

How awful is it that I even have to make this post?  Unfortunately, we live in a society that teaches young men that they are entitled to women's bodies.  Ever since childhood we are shown and told stories of men saving the day and essentially winning their love interest, even if that love interest previously didn't have any interest in them.  In every day life,"nice guys" think that if they act pleasant toward a woman then they somehow deserve her, as if a woman is a prize to be won at an arcade in exchange for politeness points.

 

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Beyond that, men are often encouraged to not respect when a woman says no, or to try to push the boundaries of what she is comfortable with, in order to score and prove how "manly" we are. It's an unjust situation.  If we lived in an ideal world, this post wouldn't be necessary.  Alas, we don't, and this is where we find ourselves.

The main focus of this post will be two-fold: critiquing so-called "self-defense" oriented programs and recommending better alternatives for training.

The main problem with most self-defense focused programs/styles is that they offer very little "aliveness" in their training- in other words, they don't have opportunities to go against an opponent who is actively resisting.  Instead, they usually only do choreographed drills that involve your opponent compliantly letting you do to them whatever you're being taught.  Static drills are an important part of any training regimen, but they can't be the only part.

The excuse you'll hear from these "reality based" styles is that their moves are "too deadly" to train with aliveness. And certainly, there are indeed highly effective moves you don't want to perform on your training partners for risk of severe injury.  But here's the thing: if you're not supplementing your training with aliveness, everything you learn will fly out the window the instant someone in real life actually tries to attack you.  If you're not used to someone trying to fight back when performing your moves, you will have no idea how to deal with an opponent who isn't being compliant.

Basically, if your training has no aliveness, this is what you're doing- which is all good,
but let's call it what it is.

And that's what most self-proclaimed "self-defense" styles do.  Compliant drill, after compliant drill, after compliant drill.  It's like becoming really good at playing catch and thinking that alone can make you a quarterback in the NFL, when in reality you need to practice throwing the ball while dealing with people trying to tackle you to the ground.

Instead, train in a style that offers aliveness.  The ultimate form of aliveness is sparring (or its equivalent in other styles such as randori in Judo, rolling in Jiujitsu, kumite in Karate, etc): a simulated match where each participant is trying to win.  There are other forms of aliveness, too, such as drills where your opponent offers increasing levels of resistance when you try to apply techniques on them.

Now, because you're training in a style with aliveness, your training won't focus on "deadly" moves.  But it's much better to be able to perform well-trained normal moves under pressure than to have "deadly" moves that you can't use on anyone willing to fight back.

To bring this back to women in particular, I'd recommend a good grappling style to train in.  Most violence against women outside of domestic abuse doesn't involve a man hitting a woman, but trying to force himself on her.  That is what a good grappling style will prepare you for- also, size also tends to matter less in grappling arts than in striking arts.  I'd recommend Judo, Jiujitsu, Sambo, or even good ol' Wrestling as consistently reliable styles.

A grappling match between a man and a woman where the woman wins by submission.

Check out that video up there (the advertisements end at about 20 seconds in).  Even when the guy gets the dominant top position and is trying to go for the finish, she is able to keep her cool, fight off of her back, and go for the finish herself.  That's what training with aliveness does.

Now, I do have to warn anyone reading this and considering training, it is not easy.  I honestly think part of the reason people train in less effective arts without aliveness in the curriculum is they know how hard it is  to train effectively.  In my post about martial arts and violence, I talked about all the setbacks and small victories that define training.  It sounds noble and almost romantic in writing, but in the gym it can sometimes be frustrating and discouraging.

However, the results are more than worth it.  That grappling match I posted was from an actual competition; in other words, that guy was actively trying to beat her and still lost.  Very, very, very few non-trained men could ever smother an experienced grappler, regardless of their sex.  When I first started training Jiujitsu, women that probably don't even have weight in the triple digits were able to submit me easily.  Even with my training, a high level grappler half my size can still wipe the floor with me.

For those of you reading who don't know me in real life: I am 6 feet tall, just shy of 200 pounds, and do strength training a couple times a week.  I am not exactly a small guy.  But if I were trying to win a match in Jiujitsu, I'd much rather take on a 250 pound man without training than a 120 pound purple belt.

We shouldn't have to live in a world where women are put in charge of defending themselves from sexual assault and other forms of violence.  Thanks to the objectification of women, however, we do.  To all the ladies out there, please, don't be taken in by talk of super deadly, super awesome, super quick self-defense classes.  It's a scam.  Instead, take a class where you are being pushed to your limit and put up against people in an alive training environment.  It'll be difficult, but if you are ever forced to put your training to the test, you need to be able to make it out okay.